So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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