I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
