Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
