Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
