Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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