how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
