someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
