Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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