Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
