...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
