Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
