i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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