At least make sure they are 18
Why
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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