You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
its liver damage thursday
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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