I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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