think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
