He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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