i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
