About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
