We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
