Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
