He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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