It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
