I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
