yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
