i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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