She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wish there were birth control emojis
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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