Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
