Dual....:-)
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
