I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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