i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
