this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
