Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
