I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
