I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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