I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
