i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
