Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
