Can Purell be used as lube?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
