1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
