East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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