Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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