man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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