you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
