Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
