you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
