Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
