dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
