With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My feet surprised me
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