I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
