There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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