So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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