She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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