Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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