the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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