I wanna bring you to show and tell
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
that's an acceptable place to lick
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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