She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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